Lonleycheese
The hardest thing that I have noticed with Dublin isn't really the cold toilets and the buses who just drives around randomly.
It is actually much bigger then that. Something that most of my Nordic friends shares with me. A feeling of rootless hell!
When I was not drunk and sleeping for the first time at my new apartment, I felt alone.
My mother is moving to a new apartment and starting her new life as a middle-age free women. Without her Penella to hug her belly while I'm fake crying.
I have no home in Sweden anymore. I have moved out. To early in my opinion. Why WHY!
It feels like I am a fake grown up. Sitting at my (as we call at work) work station, typing computer problems. Trying to be economic at home. Drink just two glasses of wine to dinner. Like an adult!
It feels kind of fake. But kind of real when I for the first time sleeps without any relatives knowing that I will that for a long time ahead.
Knowing that my childhood actually is over. That I actually have to take responsibility and pay my bills (all though they are very low right now 150euro!)
Usually when I write something i have something smart and cleaver to write in the end. But not this time, THIS TIME I STAND AND FIGHT (lord of the rings)
It is actually much bigger then that. Something that most of my Nordic friends shares with me. A feeling of rootless hell!
When I was not drunk and sleeping for the first time at my new apartment, I felt alone.
My mother is moving to a new apartment and starting her new life as a middle-age free women. Without her Penella to hug her belly while I'm fake crying.
I have no home in Sweden anymore. I have moved out. To early in my opinion. Why WHY!
It feels like I am a fake grown up. Sitting at my (as we call at work) work station, typing computer problems. Trying to be economic at home. Drink just two glasses of wine to dinner. Like an adult!
It feels kind of fake. But kind of real when I for the first time sleeps without any relatives knowing that I will that for a long time ahead.
Knowing that my childhood actually is over. That I actually have to take responsibility and pay my bills (all though they are very low right now 150euro!)
Usually when I write something i have something smart and cleaver to write in the end. But not this time, THIS TIME I STAND AND FIGHT (lord of the rings)
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Postat av: evie
We're all fake grown ups
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